last year, last semester, last finals, last few weeks

In two weeks, I will take my last set of finals, my last semester, in my last year of law school.
Probably last year of school ever period.

I feel like I'm just getting into the swing of things, right when its about to be over.
I wonder why I do this.

I always cry and fight and shout I don't want to go on the roller coaster.
Then, when its over, I say "boy, that was fun. Lets do it again!"

I cried and fought my way through law school.
I hid, I ran away from other students, professors. I didn't ask questions, I didn't offer any answers.

and now, I wish I could start over.
Do it again.
Be friendly, take risks.
Not assume everyone else hates it too and is also just going through the motions.

Maybe its because I grew up partially isolated that its a conscious task for me to connect with people, and why I lack a core sense of confidence.

I vow to make my working life different.
Starting with bar class.
I know I will need to study with other people, so I have other people who are going through the same thing, people who understand.

"This day is called the feast of Crispian.

He that outlives this day and comes safe home,

Will stand o' tiptoe when the day is named

And rouse him at the name of Crispian."

Bar day is the feast of Crispian.

I need to learn how to live in the moment.
Be present in every second.

make a habit out of it.
a choice, a decision, an act.
many acts, a pattern, a habit, a lifestyle.

yes, please.