I guess what I meant

by giving him time and space was that I know its going to take time for him not to feel guilt. To feel like he wants to call me, to feel like reaching out to touch a person because he feels compelled by his feelings. Not because he wants to fill a void.

But maybe its just my wishful thinking that over time, and emotional space he would let me in.

I know he's going through a process, a grieving process, a mourning process, a healing process, a change of life process.
and I feel guilty, like I'm intruding into that by texting him, or calling him, or wanting him to call me.

I think my anxiety over that caused me to say things like "you never call me."
Maybe I felt like I was sacrificing my desires for his needs. Maybe I felt like he wasn't reciprocating, and I was getting scared.


On the other hand, to be honest, I was careful, I was guarded. I didn't know she had died, but I suspected there was a loss of some sort. Hell, I flat out resisted.

He took my hand, he took my face in his hands. He took my careful, guarded heart. He whispered things in the dark. and I trusted him. I let him in. That was not a sexual reference btw.

He pried his way into my mind and now he's taking up all the space in my head.
I don't need this. I have finals in two weeks. I'm in law school. These are my priorities.

What do I want?
Where do we go from here?


It's not fair to pry your way into someone's head, and then keep them at arm's length.

I know it's crazy. I know it makes no sense. I know we've only known each other for a short while, and I'm more attached than I should be.

I know I have no right to make him do this. To label his feelings. To label where he is in his process. To make him give me signs that he's willing to try.

But I also know my feelings are real. and if I'm being honest to them,

I have to ask him.